I'm lying in bed watching you in the video monitor and thinking back on today, and I realize I need to say thank you. Thank you for your patience with me, Mason. This Mommy thing is hard. I know, I know, being a baby is tough too- you can't really communicate other than smiles and cries, so no one but you knows when you've pooped your pants (unless it's a smelly one)- you just have to wait for someone to check, you depend on somebody to figure out the secret cry code and determine that yes, you actually would like that bottle now, thank you very much. Yes, yes, it's exhausting to be a baby. I get it.
I knew being a Mommy would be tough. I knew I would lose sleep. I knew I would probably not keep as close of contact with my dear friends. I knew there would be less time for date nights with Daddy. I knew there would be more laundry, more dishes (bottles), more everything (except time). I knew. But I didn't really know.
Other parents told me I would be tired, but nothing prepared me for the tiredness I feel at 3 am when you cry and I look at the monitor and realize not only have you flipped yourself in the crib and your feet are now where your head was when I laid you down (genetic trait, by the way- I do it too), but you're screaming and hungry and you wanted that bottle, like, 5 minutes ago. Nothing anyone said prepared me to figure out how to maintain some semblance of the life I used to have, coupled with having a baby (if anyone has this answer, please fill me in). And I don't mean going to bars on a Friday night, I mean finding time to eat dinner at all amongst everything that needs to be done- bottles washed, bath time, play time, story time, tummy time, diaper bag packed for the next day, base in the car, burp cloths on the ready, "How long has that formula been made?," "Oh gosh, we're out of formula," "When do we start solids?," "When do we start sign language?," "When are the pSATs, again??"
I heard about all this. But I didn't really know.
So what does it matter anyway?
Well, I want to give you the best life possible. I go to work every day to make that happen for you. To give you what I had growing up, and things that I didn't. I don't have all the answers though. I'm learning as I go. And I'm definitely still working on this work/life/mom/wife groove.
So when we go to Walmart to exchange the batteries that I got that were the wrong size for the swing that you love (I love it too, it buys me another hour of sleep), and I forget to actually exchange them....thank you for your patience. Thank you in advance for your patience tomorrow when we go BACK to Walmart to really exchange them.
When I get oatmeal cereal accidentally instead of rice cereal (hey, it was organic, cut me some slack)....thank you for your patience. I'll just save it I guess. Maybe you can eat it at some point?
When I google "diaper rash" because I have no idea what one actually looks like (don't actually do that search, it's scary)...thank you again for your patience. Maybe I'll just call the doctor in the morning.
I promise I have this under control. It doesn't always seem like it, but I do. Like I said, I'm learning as I go. But so are you. We're learning together, and I do know one thing for sure...I love you, Mason.
Love,
Mom
B
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